Really, I am.
I’ve spent the last week meditating and being present and doing All The Things to Heal and to move forward and be at one with what is and will be. I’m ok.
I’m finally ok with grief and feeling grief and moving through it. It’s not easy, it hasn’t been easy . I’ve been grieving my lost marriage and all that it entails for over three, yes three years- it’s been hard. So hard. Perhaps the hardest thing I’ve done and continue to do. So many lost dreams, hopes and aspirations. Gone to dust.
It just wasn’t meant to be.
We worked for a while. And then we didn’t.
I feel as though I’ve dropped so much of the anger and hate and sense of injustice. It’s gone. There is just no point in holding on to any of it anymore. It no longer serves me.
This was me in the midst of it all- not healthy, very confused and very lost. I thought he was everything and that I loved him, above all and everyone. It was not real or true. It was me denying myself.
And now, much later, with a sense of hope and realisation that it is easier and will continue to be so. I no longer love him, and am no longer beholden to the idea of him.
If only I realised this sooner.