i’m better

Really, I am.

I’ve spent the last week meditating and being present and doing All The Things to Heal and to move forward and be at one with what is and will be. I’m ok.

I’m finally ok with grief and feeling grief and moving through it. It’s not easy, it hasn’t been easy . I’ve been grieving my lost marriage and all that it entails for over three, yes three years- it’s been hard. So hard. Perhaps the hardest thing I’ve done and continue to do. So many  lost dreams, hopes and aspirations. Gone to dust.

It just wasn’t meant to be.

We worked for a while. And then we didn’t.

I feel as though I’ve dropped so much of the anger and hate and sense of injustice. It’s gone. There is just no point in holding on to any of it anymore. It no longer serves me.

This was me in the midst of it all- not healthy, very confused and very lost. I thought he was everything and that I loved him, above all and everyone. It was not real or true. It was me denying myself.

 

And now, much later, with a sense of hope and realisation that it is easier and will continue to be so. I no longer love him, and am no longer beholden to the idea of him.

If only I realised this sooner.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s